I am on my own now

19 05 2009
I hate to be alone. I really hate the time when I am sitting all alone, doing nothing except thinking. Which I can never control. My brain is thinking like 24/7 on different things which depends on the situation I am going through. Just few moments back I read something somewhere which grabbed my attention towards myself, yeah! That made me to think what I was and what I am now. Totally different person.
Raised in a small town, lived a fun full life with *friends*. For me, friends were like heavenly given gifts. You can trust them blindly; you can tell them everything that you want to, you can rely on them like you rely on your own shoulders. They are like mirror to you. I read somewhere that the number of friends a person has tells how good that person is. I always used to think that I am some angel; I have a lot of friends. Yeah, I was angel – at least I used to think unless I realized that how wrong I was.
It feels like as if someone is grinding you when someone really close to you break your trust; once and then again and again🙂. You sometime starts ignoring some arguments not for the reason that you are lacking in words or you don’t have enough points to defend yourself. You stop arguing or talking just for the reason that friendship you shared is still that important that you don’t want to ruin it by giving it harsh words. Keeping silence seems to be best option at the moment but it results in a comment from next person “that you are always wrong that’s why you are silent at the moment”. Would not this comment make you think that this person was *ever* been your friend?
Yes, I have realized that what friendship is and I have realized what kind a person is worth enough to be a friend and all the rest, don’t make a difference to me. Not at all. Yeah, that’s me who always longed to have chit chat with others, who always longed to have fun but now the only thing that I like to do is to have a little smile on face and long lasting silence. Yup, I am changed now. I have realized how to live among such people. I have lost myself among them. I act like someone else just for the reason that I can keep the pace and should not let them enough close to me that I start trusting on them *again*. I don’t want to be dependent on such selfish people. I don’t want to dependent an anyone … … AT ALL!
I am on my own now.

I hate to be alone. I really hate the time when I am sitting all alone, doing nothing except thinking. Which I can never control. My brain is thinking like 24/7 on different things which depends on the situation I am going through. Just few moments back I read something somewhere which grabbed my attention towards myself, yeah! That made me to think what I was and what I am now. Totally different person.

Raised in a small town, lived a fun full life with *friends*. For me, friends were like heavenly given gifts. You can trust them blindly; you can tell them everything that you want to, you can rely on them like you rely on your own shoulders. They are like mirror to you. I read somewhere that the number of friends a person has tells how good that person is. I always used to think that I am some angel; I have a lot of friends. Yeah, I was angel – at least I used to think unless I realized that how wrong I was.

It feels like as if someone is grinding you when someone really close to you break your trust; once and then again and again🙂. You sometime starts ignoring some arguments not for the reason that you are lacking in words or you don’t have enough points to defend yourself. You stop arguing or talking just for the reason that friendship you shared is still that important that you don’t want to ruin it by giving it harsh words. Keeping silence seems to be best option at the moment but it results in a comment from next person “that you are always wrong that’s why you are silent at the moment”. Would not this comment make you think that this person was *ever* been your friend?

Yes, I have realized that what friendship is and I have realized what kind a person is worth enough to be a friend and all the rest, don’t make a difference to me. Not at all. Yeah, that’s me who always longed to have chit chat with others, who always longed to have fun but now the only thing that I like to do is to have a little smile on face and long lasting silence. Yup, I am changed now. I have realized how to live among such people. I have lost myself among them. I act like someone else just for the reason that I can keep the pace and should not let them enough close to me that I start trusting on them *again*. I don’t want to be dependent on such selfish people. I don’t want to dependent an anyone … … AT ALL!

I am on my own now.


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10 responses

19 05 2009
Safdar Nawaz

Really nice use of words Specially for Few ” *friends*”.And agree 99.99% with you that you are “I am on my own now”.:-)

19 05 2009
Curious HARD

hmmm… Ya people always learn through hard way… U r not alone…

19 05 2009
aaima

ya i totally agree with you n your thinking…n i feel i am experiencing this in ma life aswel:)

20 05 2009
. . . SAIMA . . .

this is life !!! ENJOY!

29 05 2009
cloud of my thoughts! « Something for life

[…] I am a complex being. Sometime, I really wonder who am I. At one moment you may find me as a social animal, who loves to party, who love to being around with friends. Making fun and enjoying things and on the other hand, you might find me as someone who wants to be alone and silent, always! I am one of those people who want to have someone, at least someone, always around him or always being connected but i don’t find anyone around me, anymore and i don’t want to act like someone stupid waiting for someone (I am not writing some fairy tale). I can live my own. […]

16 08 2010
cherry

when i read your comments, i feel that’s like mine.

17 06 2009
Faree

But Life isnt like that,if people is being bad to us it doesnt mean everything is bad n we have to be alone,to some how I think we have a solution to every situation in ourself,its we who dont recognize ourself,but realy to be alone isnt the way to deal with life,thats not life… we cant live all alone and just only keep smiling with silent face,listen n observe every being yara but do wotever ur heart says,as for sum people heart doesnt exsist nah thats bull shit … jab tak hum jeiyein ge we need people our soul wants companion even in the end we need shoulders of others,one cant survive alone,thats not life,in this way u are just making smoke screens across urself because u just dont want to face the world,Face the world take them with u,lets make a life in which people are behind u,and realy u dont need to be alone.Accept the harsh realities of life
“Na tou zameen ke liye hai na aasman ke liye!!!
yeh Jahan hai tere liye tou nahi jahan ke liye!!!”
Enjoy and dont make urself alone u dun need to make an artificial u.Bring out the true u from urself….

14 07 2009
Scribbler

“” It feels like as if someone is grinding you when someone really close to you break your trust; once and then again and again🙂 . You sometime starts ignoring some arguments not for the reason that you are lacking in words or you don’t have enough points to defend yourself. You stop arguing or talking just for the reason that friendship you shared is still that important that you don’t want to ruin it by giving it harsh words. Keeping silence seems to be best option at the moment but it results in a comment from next person “that you are always wrong that’s why you are silent at the moment”. Would not this comment make you think that this person was *ever* been your friend? “”

makes me smile🙂 – enjoy the food for thought !

18 10 2011
bobylone

I have same feeling now. i can’t explain my onw mind.

7 02 2012
Mythyla

agreed..me n myself ,thats what one should be dependant at.

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