Lets run away from Matrix and go back in time

30 08 2010

The other day, I was thinking that these social networking sites, internet, messengers has already trapped us in “The Matrix v 0.1 alpha”. Our half day is spent on these virtual sites which has nothing in real in them. Day by day, everyone is being so much involved in these sites that they are actually loosing the values of reality. Or in other words, the reality of real relations.

Everyone has their own reasons of using these sites and defending them and I have my own reasons of getting away from these sites. I have been maintaining my FaceBook activities from last 3 months to see how much change I have gone through. To my astonish, there is remarkable change. Here is my activity graph. You can see, there is steady decline in it. A decline from 680 notifications to 454 a month.

Now the question is, why is it so? Why a geek like me, who is into computers, into almost every social site is being frustrated by all these things. Well, honestly speaking, I don’t even know. But what I feel is that the reality is way more important than these virtual things. Talking to someone in real is way more freshening rather reading someone’s status messages and commenting on them or having a conversation on MSN.

A psychological studies have shown that today’s generation spend most of the time online rather playing games in their back-yard. The end result, physical and mental illness.

I really wish that I could invent the time machine today and jump back in time. Where friendship meant hanging out with real friends. Where fun meant being tired till death still saying that it was the best day. Where LOL meant the laugh attacks that make you shed tears. Where a perfect day would have been with family, friends wandering on the streets rather posting stupid videos, pictures or updating status messages 100 times a day! I wish, I could go back in time – Anyone there to join me there?


a question to you

5 12 2009

I don’t understand why we always need some incident before we realize something. We know that we would have to study even then we wait for deadline. Why is it so that we want to be alone and then we start missing someone when we feel happy or sad?

Happiness is nothing if it is not shared with someone. You can only feel your happiness, you can’t see your facial expression or your smile when you are happy at the moment and that’s the point when you want someone happy because of you (if they really care about your happiness) and you see your own reflection in smile of their face which really makes you enjoy your happiness.

What about sadness? Do we really want to see someone cry because of you? I bet – no. Then why we miss someone when we are sad? I believe that everyone is that capable that he can bear his own tensions but sometimes, having someone around you make you feel that you are not alone, at least someone is with you.

This has always happened to everyone at some point of life that at first place they have forgotten about everyone because they were so busy in their ambitions, were busy in their career or were busy with someone else when they have actually missed someone else.

A simple question to you – Are you going to be one of those who at some point of life going to miss someone because you were too busy with yourself? Ambitions, Career or any material thing can be achieved or they can be replaced with new ones but if you have missed some relation – it’s not replaceable, ever! You may have overlooked someone who really cares about you because you don’t have time to notice them but they won’t remain there unless you ask them to be. Don’t be a looser.

I just want to make a simple request to you, give sometime to yourself, sit somewhere alone and close your eyes for a moment and think who are those who really care for yourself, who really give you importance to you and then think are you going to loose them because you are not giving them the importance they deserve?

How it feels to miss someone …?

17 11 2009

Long time no see, should have been the question that some people wanted to ask me while reading this blog post. Yeah, I was busy. Hell of busy. Moved to Canada (finally) for my Studies – the dream came true. The dream that I dreamt for … like 3 years ago and after 3 years of struggle, I am here. Do any of you, have an idea how it feels when your dream comes true? Every person has his own way of expression, some are overwhelmed with joy, some smile and some shed into tears. For me, it was like “okay I get it (Thanks Allah) – what next (Allah help me there as well)”! Yah … I was that cold – honestly! (Some people may have their own assumptions about my feelings but that’s what I exactly felt). I don’t know why I am so cold in expressing emotions.

Dreams cannot stop your life or your aims. If you cannot achieve one dream then you cannot stick at that dream forever, you have to think something else then. Believe me, Life does not stop at anything except “death” and if it is not death then why should we stop ourselves?

I was already prepared for my transition phase. The phase that some of my friends has already asked me long ago, “Ali, if you move somewhere else, will you miss us?” and my answer was as usual cold “No”. Why would I? If I am going somewhere else then I would be having new fellas there and new things which would never let me think about you guys. This is actually true, especially when you have not made yourself dependant on others.

Even though, I was prepared, I was ready to accept a lot of changes in my routine, in my approach towards life (specially the importance I used to have which I would not have now) but eventually, I was hit by that transition and now suffering from that phase.

One of the thing that I loved in movie “Love Aaj kal” (don’t think about romantic stuff) was the transition “Saif Ali Khan” went through when he moved to San Francisco. He had everything, his dream, games (I know), friends, party and the energy around him but even then he realized that he is missing someone in his life (the song “Main Kya Houn” was shot so beautifully to portray all that). That energy and new environment can make you not to think about someone for sometime but eventually, the monotonous nature of life makes you think about someone you can rely on or you are dependent on or someone who is really important to you which your rationality, your logics have never let you think that way.  In that case Saif had a girl so making a romantic turn which most of the people have got from the movie – A romantic movie but it has something other than romance in it; some reality of life.

For me, same feelings came for a friend (that’s right “A Friend” and “friend” does not have a gender) about whom I never thought of. I never thought that he would be that important for me? Or in other words I never realized that I have become that dependant on him. I thought I am old and mature enough to overcome this thing but I could not.

“I cannot concentrate. Sometimes I talk to myself, isn’t this weird” were the words that Saif told to the psychiatrist in the movie and it’s true for me as well. I really can’t concentrate. Every single moment I am doing the regular stuff of my life, in parallel I am thinking or want him to be around me. I never expected that this could happen to me, to a guy who never thought of these things or never let himself dependent on others but right now I am feeling that I was dependent. I need to realize that this isn’t something which is going to have some good result and I have to let it go but how would I?

Sometimes I think, is it really him who I am missing or is it the feelings that I was used to him? If I am used to him then I could get used to anyone else, right? Then why I am still not able to get used to of anything else except him? Aah – there are lots of questions which add to my headache whenever I start thinking (consciously) about this situation and then it makes me restless and depress.

You know, missing someone isn’t that you want to talk to someone or want to have someone around you or you have not seen someone lately and wanted to see him now. It’s like some part of your life, your personality, your smile, your thinking or technically some clocks of your processor are being utilized for someone who does not even know that those clocks are ticking for him! – It SUCKS!

No title this time

23 08 2009

Friend: Why are you leaving so early?

Me: I have to go my home town.

Friend: Really, have a safe journey. I hope to see another blog post this weekend.

Me: eeh! RIGHT!

After reaching home and while talking to someone.

Me: Hey, I was thinking to write something

Some other friend: Really, write it down – it’s been so long you have not.

Me: Yeah i know. But i don’t feel like it.

Some other friend: stop thinking. Just start and you’ll get the flow.

So, the bottom line. I need to write. What i need to write, I know – but what i don’t know is how to put in words.

I had an awesome trip to norther areas (kaghan, naran, saif-al-malook etc) in last week. Really enjoyed that trip. Besides the enjoyment, I also realised few facts about life (as usual) and myself.

  • I still care for emotions. There are people in my life, whom i really care about. For those I can sometime do off the way things which i normally don’t do or I have made rules in my life not to do something like this. Doing these things for family, is understandable but for friends – I was really shocked to realize this thing about me.
  • I felt the feeling of somebody important not being around you! I thought migrane is the worst thing that can ever drive your head crazy; but there are worst things than that, which never get off your head. It’s nice to think about those people but sometime if you can’t contact them then definitely; migrane is nothing.
  • The last and the most important thing; We have made our life complex. For like 4 days, I was away from all this crapy life needs. I didn’t have any GPRS there, I didn’t have WLAN there. I didn’t have my laptop (though i have my E66). I have seen people there, who are living their lives in small huts. They are not at all worried about their future, their job, their profession. All they do is to get up early in morning and do the things for their meals. They have poultary, cow/lambs and that’s it. That’s their life. They have small beautiful huts just underneath the large mountains and they are not at all worried about “electricity”. They are not worried when there will be power to charge their mobiles.

    Their life is so simple. It made me realize that we bind ourselves to differernt needs, which are actually not our needs. Everyday, we are concious about something new. Someday, we think about which cell phone we need to buy now. Which computer GFX card is in market. Which car is going crazy on roads. Which resturant is okay. Is life really complex or we are the one who are making even the simple things complex?

    Let me not conclude anything, since I have already concluded things for myself. Conclude to yourself, just review your daily routine, review your life style and review what are things that “you actually need” and what are the things which “you have made your need”. If you remain neutral and possess good judgemental skills, you’ll definitely realize that life is way simpler than what we can ever imagine.

Confused society

26 07 2009

We live in a confused society. There are lot of things which we have accepted from the society, which does not make any sense or at least are not rational. But we never realize those things either for the reason that we think it’s meant to be that way or we don’t bother ourselves on these little things. But the fact is, those little things make the basis for  change. A long journey begins with a little step.

Few things that I am going to mention here. It really makes me think why our society acts this way. Why we “prefer” to be like others and don’t like to be ourselves?

  • Few days back, we friends went to a shopping mall. It was Sunday and only “families” were allowed that’s why the  guard stopped us from entering the mall. I asked for the reason and he said only “families” were allowed, we said okay. At that very moment I saw a father with his son about to enter the mall and the guard stopped him as well, for the same reason. Now this thing made me curious. I asked the guard, why is he not letting them in. He said only “families”. I said he is with his son. “sorry sir, there is no female with them”. I said, “so when you say family, you mean there should be a female in the group”. He nodded. I asked, “you mean if a guy comes with his GF then it’s perfectly fine since there is lady in the group”. He nodded again. All this made me think that our society has itself imposed the concept of girlfriends boyfriends indirectly, and at the same time they oppose it. Hypocrites!
  • The second thing about our society. Obsessed. Obsessed to be like westerners. Obsessed to love western or any other culture but our own. One of the things I would like to mention here: If either a company or brand name is written in English, we call it cool but if the same name is translated in Urdu, we will never like it. For example, all of us believe “Honda” is a nice brand and it’s name is “cool”. Honda was the “name” of the guy who started this company. Now consider a local guy, named “aslam” uses his name as a brand name “aslam motors”, how many of us will consider it as cool as “Honda”? Consider other names as well. “Stallions” -> “Ghoray”.

These are only few examples. I don’t want to write in detail since it’ll be lengthy, but the theme is quite clear here. Why don’t we try to portray our culture, our “own” society and try to change the “wrong” things penetrated in our society? Why we care to do things just because our society “likes” or “want” those things that way? Why we think about society before making any decision about our personal or family life? We really got to think about this.

One of the things I would like to mention here: If we read some English simple name of company or brand we call it cool and if the same name is translated in Urdu or there is something like that. We will never like it

**THE** headache!

11 07 2009

Yet another day with headache. I don’t remember exactly when did my bond with this headache started. I guess, its history is dated back when i joined the university. The hostel life, full of joy, pranks and fun gave this lifetime gift.

It’s become a part of my life now and I don’t remember how it feels to have a moment without an headache. The moment I start forgetting about headache, I get it by “any” means. Sometime migrane, or due to over work, or extra thinking (which i always do even when i don’t want to do) and if there is nothing then there would be some surprise of headache for me. But it’d be there.

It’s almost 2 days that I have not been able to sleep well. Don’t know but there is something stuck in my head. I am thinking it and thinking it and then thinking it – helplessly! Every little thing today is making me think.

  • Why people get so much attached to each other?
  • Why there is name of everything? Ever imagined a world without name of any human being?
  • How easy and realistically the Matrix concept is implementable on real life? Which programming language would be preferred?
  • Aah! that headache is painfull but can i remember the pain i had during my surgery? Time heals everything and all it gives; scars of memory.
  • If some elder is abusing someone, his kids start doing so as well. Without knowing “why” they are doing and this thing becomes part of their life. People fight for “nothing”? They abuse for nothing and they don’t even think that they are fighting over relegion. Come on, religion teaches the lesson of Peace and we are fighting over relegion? There has been fights over it in my village since 1960 and today was also one of that day.
  • We know there would be nothing left in our life, everything will be finish but even then things are so much important to us that we can’t even think “what would be if this thing isn’t there”. This actually leads us towards the feelings and emotions for that particualar thing or person. And in later case, we start missing someone.
  • All the knowledge of science is based on small peice of informations which helped to deduce big concepts (force, bonds, chemical reactions, photosynthesis etc). What if that base of science is wrong? There may be no atom or there may be some other significant thing than atom but scientists are not able to discover it due to lack of technology and vision!
  • Are emotions really meaningfull? Or they really matter to someone? If they matters then why don’t people care about emotions? and if these don’t matter then why they even exists?
  • Why heart interrupts the “thinking” process of brain? Did ever brain interrupts the heart job of pumping blood? Then why heart jumps in when ever brain has to make some decision which has *emotions* attached to it?
  • If you’d be given an option to live with only one thing either brain or heart, what will you choose? I’ll choose, emm, let me think, damn, this heart is interrupting again … … argh !!!
  • Can we really bear a person throughout our life?

Yeah, that’s true – I am having headache and all this crap is in my mind.

The Circle of life continues

27 06 2009

MJ. is dead. Everyone on internet is posting in his memories. The videos of his dance on youtube are getting maximum hits today. Facebook newsfeed is being bombarded with video sharing, biographies and other such thing related to him. He was, no doubt, an icon of entertainment industry. His life was full of drama, right from his childhood, through his struggle and till his death. He was either in newspapers due to his talent or due to his health (including plastic surgery) or due the cases.

Life has so much realities hidden in it which we willingly try to avoid. Death is one of those. I never forget this. I never try to run from this reality. Whenever I think about it, One questino always bothers me. What difference a person would make when he is dead? Look at MJ. He was one of the famous personality in this world and now he is no more among us. Will this make any difference to “any one”? Except for his family, who would be sad or would miss his presence for some time and then? The circle of life, continues. As I wrote above, people got some time today to hit on the sites which had some material related to MJ. They “honored” him by watching his videos or the content written about him. Then what? All will get busy in their normal routine. What effect this would have on MJ soul? I mean, was it really waiting for someone to come and hit youtube urls?

I just want to say that everyone is alone. Everyone has to face the realities of life by himself. I quoted some extreme example to explain this. Lets get little lower. When you are in pain, will anyone else can make a difference? It’d be you who will be suffering. Others would simply say, “get well soon”. Some will not even bother themselves to ask you this. But, whatever they say, it’d be you who are suffering. One thing that I want to confess here that yeah, there are few people who will make difference (at least you’ll feel that someone care about you).

But the bottom line is, you are alone. There is no one who is gona stand besides you in suffering a pain. There is no one for whom your presence would really matter. I really want to experience this in my life i.e; someone whose present would really matter to me. Your absence will make them feel that there was something missing to which they were “used to”. For sometime, they will miss you and then, the circle of life would continue either there would be someone who will replace you in their life or they would find some other thing better than you :).