The Circle of life continues

MJ. is dead. Everyone on internet is posting in his memories. The videos of his dance on youtube are getting maximum hits today. Facebook newsfeed is being bombarded with video sharing, biographies and other such thing related to him. He was, no doubt, an icon of entertainment industry. His life was full of drama, right from his childhood, through his struggle and till his death. He was either in newspapers due to his talent or due to his health (including plastic surgery) or due the cases.

Life has so much realities hidden in it which we willingly try to avoid. Death is one of those. I never forget this. I never try to run from this reality. Whenever I think about it, One questino always bothers me. What difference a person would make when he is dead? Look at MJ. He was one of the famous personality in this world and now he is no more among us. Will this make any difference to “any one”? Except for his family, who would be sad or would miss his presence for some time and then? The circle of life, continues. As I wrote above, people got some time today to hit on the sites which had some material related to MJ. They “honored” him by watching his videos or the content written about him. Then what? All will get busy in their normal routine. What effect this would have on MJ soul? I mean, was it really waiting for someone to come and hit youtube urls?

I just want to say that everyone is alone. Everyone has to face the realities of life by himself. I quoted some extreme example to explain this. Lets get little lower. When you are in pain, will anyone else can make a difference? It’d be you who will be suffering. Others would simply say, “get well soon”. Some will not even bother themselves to ask you this. But, whatever they say, it’d be you who are suffering. One thing that I want to confess here that yeah, there are few people who will make difference (at least you’ll feel that someone care about you).

But the bottom line is, you are alone. There is no one who is gona stand besides you in suffering a pain. There is no one for whom your presence would really matter. I really want to experience this in my life i.e; someone whose present would really matter to me. Your absence will make them feel that there was something missing to which they were “used to”. For sometime, they will miss you and then, the circle of life would continue either there would be someone who will replace you in their life or they would find some other thing better than you . 

FYI: I am still a human

One of the thing that I strongly believe is that “words are meaningless without an action”. If you can’t prove yourself at your words then it simply means that you are not important for me. I can’t believe or trust someone just on  his/her words. One has to prove oneself infront of me. But recenlty, there is something different happened to me, which I can’t believe.

I became reason for someone’s problem solution. In response; she said, “aliiii, thank you so much” followed by some urdu phrase “main aap ki bohat mushkoor houn : میں اٌپ کی بھت مشکور ھوں (see, i am not that bad at urdu)“. These were the few words that I “heard” and for the first time I was actually feeling the real smile behind all these words. I could imagine her saying this with a little smile on her face which was pure, smile which was on face with no mental tension – for that particular moment.

Most of the time, I just act in response to people words because they want that reaction from me. The particular situation wants that particular reaction. But that moment was one of those moment in my life, when I smiled for real. From my heart. I was feeling as if there was some problem of mine which has been solved and I am happy.

I can say that I have packed my emotions and kept them in some closet for long but after that day I realized that I still missed some emotions to pack. I felt the words and it’s meaning without any action. I can say that I am still a human, not a robot.

Your flies are open!!!

One of my teachers in university was attracted to a student, which somehow I knew and teacher also knew that I know. So, he always tried to avoid me while she is there asking her something about subjects or any question related to course. It was one of such day; I had few questions that I wanted to discuss with my teacher. So I was walking towards his office.

I found him in corridor standing with the “student”. Teacher was holding books in his hand and had a blushing smile on his face while talking to her. No sooner did he saw me, he was like “I don’t have time at the moment, go away”. I was about to leave suddenly i noticed that the girl is smiling while asking questions to him. Which confused me why she is  laughing and while chasing her eyesight i realized that my teachers’ trousers’ flies were open .

Now, I wanted to tell me teacher that there is something wrong and you could get embarrass later but my teacher was ignoring me continuously. Since i was notorious for pranks, whenever I tried to get close to my teacher to whisper him the secret of her smile, he pushed me away. I tried once, then again and again but in vain. At that moment I recalled the famous story of the king which gives “try try again” moral. So i tried for the last time, this time I was quite fast and didn’t gave a chance to my teacher to push me away. I got close to him and whispered, “Sir, your flies are open”.

He was explaining something to her and the moment he heard this he looked at me with an embarrassed smile, made a gesture as if he is tired holding up his books against his chest and moved his hands to down, covering the fly with books. Nice move. I went to class and waited for the sir to come and take the lecture. He was late and when he came he gestured to me to check if the flies are ok (he went to home and changed his trouser). I laughed and gestured, “Yes Sir”.

cloud of my thoughts!

For the first time, I am going to force myself to put something on this canvas otherwise i’d have to face consequences. Right now, I am in no where. I mean, i don’t know where to start and what to start. My mind is always filled up with gazillions of thoughts, hundreds of my own self made philosophies towards life and few pranks . But at the moment, I am just trying to find a head start for this blog entry and then I’d have to ponder upon it to decide some title for it .

Last night, I had one of the weird mood swing. I don’t know why, just out of no where, I started feeling bad, bad for nothing but i was like “I want to cry”. I want to run away, I want to quit everything and fly somewhere where there is nothing like mundane around me. My this post is going to be some random things about myself which might be connected or might not be. But as a whole, you can say it this post is going to be about “me”.

I am a complex being. Sometime, I really wonder who am I. At one moment you may find me as a social animal, who loves to party, who love to being around with friends. Making fun and enjoying things and on the other hand, you might find me as someone who wants to be alone and silent, always! I am one of those people who want to have someone, at least someone, always around him or always being connected but i don’t find anyone around me, anymore and i don’t want to act like someone stupid waiting for someone (I am not writing some fairy tale). I can live my own.

Things had made me realize, that through out our life we are waiting for big moments of happiness and we always miss small moments just because of we are expecting and waiting for something big (no doubt size does matter ). I bet a lot, not for the reason that i am a gambler but for the reason that i don’t want to “wait” for some big moment so that we friends can gather to have some time together. I just bet, to make some event to have sometime together and sometime i just bet even though i know that i am going to loose, for sure but yet i bet. For me the people and the moment matters which would be the result of this bet but for people “money” matters which they are going to loose or win on this bet. Don’t worry, I have quit this habit now.

Yes, I am one of those person, who don’t want to go with the flow of life. It’s either that I struggle hard before i give up or i really change the things to my favor (with God’s Will). There are 2 things that i believe a lot, Allah and my struggle. I am one of those guy who will even try for that thing about which I am 1000% sure that i am not going to get it, but i’ll try, for the reason that in my life i don’t want to have the word “I wish : کاش” i’d have tried for this at that time. There is nothing like “I might have won it”. There is always “either i won it or i loose it”.

I talk a lot. Talk for no reason, argue for no reason. I argue not for the reason that i have to prove myself best or i have to prove that no one can beat me. I argue because i just want to talk and if i really have something else to talk then i don’t argue. You may say me a hypocrite sometime (which i am not), for the reason that at one moment in some group i might be supporting and defending one side and at some other time and in some other group i might be against this side. It’s not that I don’t know at which side i am (i am always pretty sure about my views and my decisions) it’s because that I just want to know the other side of coin.

There are still a lot to write which i’ll write in follow ups to this pots. Adding more text to this post will definitely make this one a sleeping pill for you . See ya around, hopefully i’ll get sometime for it’s followups (someone going to push me again to write it – hopefully :$).

People I hate the most

I am one of those guys who can be friends with anyone, without any discrimination, except for those who have these 3 specific qualities in their nature.

1. A person, who have “I : میں” in his nature. Someone who is proud, has attitude and he shows this attitude to me. If he is friend of mine and he brings his self among the “friendship”, literally I can not bear him. I don’t understand why don’t such people think that who they are and what are they trying to portray of themselves? I mean, if i compare myself then i am no less than anyone among my circle. I had been excellent in academic, Won silver medal, studied what i wanted with good grades, proved myself professionally and living a life that people desire to live. Even then, I never proud of myself. I really have to think “What should i be Proud of?” For my success; which lasted for sometime and now no one remembers it except me. For my smartness; which people say that i am but how long will this last, 1 year, 2 year or 10 year. For my achievements; which is again not an ever lasting thing. Reason for writing all this isn’t that i am pessimistic, I am just one of creatures of God and I know that if He has bestowed upon me something then He can take it away from me as well. I am always dependant on Him. If i know that I am always dependant on Him then Why should i be proud of and for what should i be proud of?
2. A person, who gives more importance to materialistic things than the bond he shares with someone. Someone, who always thinks about money before the bond. I hate such people whose sole purpose of this life is to earn, to save. Who count the importance of person for the fact what he is earning or at what position he is at. It sounds non-practical in my nature but i believe in it. I believe that If you believe in God and He has pushed you into some difficulty then he is going to arrange solution for you as well. Then why live a life in thirst of more and more money and not spending that money for those who are needy.
3. A person, who does not respect the other for the reason that they are older to him or they are also humanbeings. Rather, he treats him on the basis of position they are at. i don’t know why these people think that if the other person is sitting at the office door, in hot weather and you are sitting in a room under an imported AC, should be the only reason of behaving harshly with them? The greatness of a human being isn’t in respecting others who are at a higher level, but the greatness of a human being is in respecting someone who is at a lower level than themselves.

It might take you long to be at some good level before me but it’ll take just a moment for me to start considering you among those whom i don’t care of,  if you possess any such qualities .

synchronous call in my life!

My life has been stuck at a “synchronous call” to my dream.  Everything that i am planning or had planned is in wait for the result that I am waiting for.

If you happen to be an engineer then it’s fully understandable to you what a synchronous execution is. However, if you are not then let me expalin you a little.

A synchronous execution is an execution in which only one task is executed at a moment and all other processes wait untill that task isn’t finished.

So, I had a dream and I am working hard for it to make it true. My all other plans towards my life aim are on hold just because of that one particular dream. Whenever I was trying to do something out of way, I had this thing in my mind that I must wait until my dream come true.

• I wasn’t switching my job; i was waiting for my dream to come true.
• I wasn’t setting up my computer (without which i can’t live); i was waiting for my dream to come true.

These were only few little things that i can metion here. But there are lot of which I didn’t do just because of the reason that “I am waiting for the results of my dream”. I do pray (and request you to pray for me as well) for a +ve result of my dream but now i have planned that i should not wait for the result. I am hoping for the positive response but meanwhile I am going to prepare myself to live for the negative response as well.

Yeah, I have decided now. I have decided not to live my life like an synchronous call to some process which is being stuck in process eating up millions of process’ clock cycles. I am going to treat my dream as asynchornous call to a method, planning and executing my other plans as well and the result is:

• I am going to join new company, finally (but which one, i still have to decide)
• I am going to setup my new PC; it’d be either a desktop or some laptop.

I am going to “hope for the best” and going to “prepare myself for the worst”

I am on my own now

I hate to be alone. I really hate the time when I am sitting all alone, doing nothing except thinking. Which I can never control. My brain is thinking like 24/7 on different things which depends on the situation I am going through. Just few moments back I read something somewhere which grabbed my attention towards myself, yeah! That made me to think what I was and what I am now. Totally different person.

Raised in a small town, lived a fun full life with *friends*. For me, friends were like heavenly given gifts. You can trust them blindly; you can tell them everything that you want to, you can rely on them like you rely on your own shoulders. They are like mirror to you. I read somewhere that the number of friends a person has tells how good that person is. I always used to think that I am some angel; I have a lot of friends. Yeah, I was angel – at least I used to think unless I realized that how wrong I was.

It feels like as if someone is grinding you when someone really close to you break your trust; once and then again and again . You sometime starts ignoring some arguments not for the reason that you are lacking in words or you don’t have enough points to defend yourself. You stop arguing or talking just for the reason that friendship you shared is still that important that you don’t want to ruin it by giving it harsh words. Keeping silence seems to be best option at the moment but it results in a comment from next person “that you are always wrong that’s why you are silent at the moment”. Would not this comment make you think that this person was *ever* been your friend?

Yes, I have realized that what friendship is and I have realized what kind a person is worth enough to be a friend and all the rest, don’t make a difference to me. Not at all. Yeah, that’s me who always longed to have chit chat with others, who always longed to have fun but now the only thing that I like to do is to have a little smile on face and long lasting silence. Yup, I am changed now. I have realized how to live among such people. I have lost myself among them. I act like someone else just for the reason that I can keep the pace and should not let them enough close to me that I start trusting on them *again*. I don’t want to be dependent on such selfish people. I don’t want to dependent an anyone … … AT ALL!

I am on my own now.

I hate to be alone. I really hate the time when I am sitting all alone, doing nothing except thinking. Which I can never control. My brain is thinking like 24/7 on different things which depends on the situation I am going through. Just few moments back I read something somewhere which grabbed my attention towards myself, yeah! That made me to think what I was and what I am now. Totally different person.

Raised in a small town, lived a fun full life with *friends*. For me, friends were like heavenly given gifts. You can trust them blindly; you can tell them everything that you want to, you can rely on them like you rely on your own shoulders. They are like mirror to you. I read somewhere that the number of friends a person has tells how good that person is. I always used to think that I am some angel; I have a lot of friends. Yeah, I was angel – at least I used to think unless I realized that how wrong I was.

It feels like as if someone is grinding you when someone really close to you break your trust; once and then again and again . You sometime starts ignoring some arguments not for the reason that you are lacking in words or you don’t have enough points to defend yourself. You stop arguing or talking just for the reason that friendship you shared is still that important that you don’t want to ruin it by giving it harsh words. Keeping silence seems to be best option at the moment but it results in a comment from next person “that you are always wrong that’s why you are silent at the moment”. Would not this comment make you think that this person was *ever* been your friend?

Yes, I have realized that what friendship is and I have realized what kind a person is worth enough to be a friend and all the rest, don’t make a difference to me. Not at all. Yeah, that’s me who always longed to have chit chat with others, who always longed to have fun but now the only thing that I like to do is to have a little smile on face and long lasting silence. Yup, I am changed now. I have realized how to live among such people. I have lost myself among them. I act like someone else just for the reason that I can keep the pace and should not let them enough close to me that I start trusting on them *again*. I don’t want to be dependent on such selfish people. I don’t want to dependent an anyone … … AT ALL!

I am on my own now.

Can we really change our destiny?

It’s been long that I have been into this blog to put down something in my words, until I read this blog.

Do you really think that we can’t change our destiny? I truly believe that we can change it. To understand this I’d say that you first watch Dr. Zakir Naik video about destiny. In which he has explained it in a pretty decent way. There is no doubt that there is a destiny. It has been written that what is going to happen in one’s life. But it’s not actually what it is written. It’s that all the way you are given with choices, to choose from “a” and “b”. The destiny means that you’ll be given the 2 choices and the choice you made is something you’ll be punished/rewarded for.

So eventually, one thing is clear; that the choices are written. However, the difference that you can make is where you have to choose, which is the point where you can actually change your destiny. But whatever the choice you made is also written , not in hardcoded form. So, you have to pay, you have to work out something to change that “not hardcoded” form of choice into your desired choice. How would you? Emm, that’s the real question. Let me try to put my answer here.

Suppose, hypothetically, there is written in your destiny that you’ll reach to “point A” which you don’t want to. You have aimed and want to reach at “Point B”. For this, you have to go through some preparations, some tests. Which are Praying (for sure) and working hard, struggling to get what you want and during all this time, God will continuously keep you testing. He will put different tests on your way, the tension, the restlessness and the mental trauma you may suffer during all this time. Now, if you are determined and strong enough to bear all this with all that “solid hard work”, then it means you did your job and you’ll be paid off with your reward, i.e. “Point B”.

There is a saying that “How would I know that the problems that I am facing is some sort of punishment or the tests” and the answer was given as “if those problems are bringing you closer to God, then those are tests, otherwise the punishment”. Yeah, that’s the thing in above case. If you don’t lose your ground during your struggle to reach at your aim, you’ll get it. This is the thing, which Allama Iqbal said in his shair (the most favorite one of mine)

خودی کو کر بلند اتنا کھ ہر تقدیر سے پہلے
خدا بندے سے خود پوچھے بتا تیری رضاء کیا ہے

Khudi ko kar buland itna kay har taqdeer say pehlay
Khuda banday say khud puchay, bata teri raza kya hai
(Increase your selflessness to such heights that before creating each destiny, God himself would have to ask the human ‘What is your opinion about this’ “.)

Believe in God and keep struggling. But remember, be optimistic and believe in the “cost” that you have to pay if you really want to get something which is not meant for you and if you remain pessimistic you’ll end up as a rebellious, rebellious to your aims, to your strength or may be to God as well.

Quotes that i like

• Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened. [Dr. Suess]
• Be the change that you wish to see in the world. [Mahatma Gandhi]
• Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I am not sure about the universe. [Albert Einstein]
• Life is not measure by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. [Maya Angelou]
• Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. [Albert Einstein]
• Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. [Mark Twain]
• Sometimes, we have to choose between what is right and what is easy. [J. K. Rowling]
• Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one." [C. S. Lewis]
• To be yourself in the world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. [Ralph Waldo Emerson]
• In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: It goes on. [Robert Frost]
• It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages. [Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche]

just before end!

Few days back, I had chance to visit my grand ma. It’s been quite a long time that I have visited there place and when I reached there, I was warm heartedly welcomed by all (my aunt, uncle and grand ma). I stayed there for a whole day and had lots of chit chat.

My grand ma is very old. She can hardly walk but all the time she is offering prayer or praising God.  I don’t know how but I started thinking the days when she was young. Just like us. She would be as charming, full of life, passionate and aim full. She was energetic just like we are energetic today and hence she has lot of thinking other than thinking about *her last day*; Death. Those days, she had hardly thought about this thing, not because she doesn’t realize this fact but because she had lot of other things to do. Her relatives, her duties and her own life interests and being busy in those duties she had totally forgotten about this day.

I don’t know what her attitude was towards religion or how often she used to prayer. But at least she didn’t use to think about her last day to that extent, she now may be thinking.

Just imagine a person who is sure that any day can be his last day. He is saying this word and he is not sure that will he able to utter the second one or not. Imagine a person for whom every passing moment is another blessing since it’s not his time of death. How humble will he be? How devoted will he be towards his Religion?

Now, consider our self. What are we? Most of us say and believe that there will be one day, our last day. But how many of use really live each moment thinking about this? Forget about moment, how many of us really think on each day that the next day can be mine last day, am I prepared? Each day, we are so much indulge in thinking our professional task, academic assignments or relatives that we don’t think for a moment of this. We might have been much humble, pious and obedient of HIM if we have this thinking in our mind at each moment, or at least daily.

 

Tell me, when you are gona think about your last day; each and every day or Just before your end?